Awez Life is tough, boohoo

"Kristen will go into autopilot now:

No it's true. The days fly by me while my eyes are closed. It's weird not knowing the future. It's weird thinking of being in Shep for the next three years. It's super weird that its still relatively summerish outside and that everytime I get home from school it feels like it's still summer and that anyday now we will be out again but we won't. It's so crazy to look out my bedroom window at 8 and see the sun disapearing behind the horizon, and the leaves on the tree outside my window very quickly turning yellow.

It's even crazier thinking back to summer and missing it as much as I do. I wasted alot of time in the summer, we just farted around (yes I said farted around), all summer and had parties and gatherings and sleepovers and parties and gatherings and sleepovers. It was great but the whole time in the back of my mind I knew it was running out. Now I think of the day at Laurier, the first day of summer and how happy and free I felt. I could have just wet myself with joy. Yes its a gross term to use, but it was so relaxing and crazy to feel so free.

Now I feel like every fucking person I meet has been put there to hold me back or to put some sort of limit on my life. I realize that sounds extremely negative but unlike what I've always thought I have made very few friends in these past few days, and I haven't had alot of excitement. Even the first day of School was boring. It was new and different but no one welcomed me and no one cared. Like, I'm extremely bored of school...and I've only attended shep for 6 days...

I had volleyball tryouts again today afterschool. I was starting to get used to the obsessive sweating and physcotic drills. Then I got cut. Yeah I kind of saw it coming. I was owning at certain things but my serves were shit yet again. And they always missed my best moments. But I kind of got over it I was sweaty and I wasn't really crazy about the idea of coming another day until 5:30 to get cut the next day. (yes that was my attitude)

I did really want to make it though. Don't get me wrong, I had my head in it and I started feeling like I was just as good as the other girls. Then I got proven wrong but whatever. I had alot of fun with it, and I learned a few things especially with my late night practice with stephanie at the park.

Chris came over tonight and the first thing my mom said to his dad when he came to get him was "yeah she got cut from volleyball" and I wanted to say "You don't say that to a man whose entire family plays volleyball and both his sons are on the senior team! that sounds so pathetic!" But what can you do? I had fun thats all that counts.

Anyways Chris' mom decided that tonight was the last night he can see anyone during the school week. I feel like jumping off a building. The only thing that helps me get through a school week, or even a day is knowing that there is some small chance that I might see Dafoe sometime during the week. It's like agony seeing the couples around my school or having something happen and wanting him to be next to me so I can turn and tell him so we can laugh about it. Like this morning when I was booking it for the bus with Rebecca and we missed it completely and two seconds later Lisa texts me saying "You fuckin missed it" and rebecca and I just burst out laughing and got on some other random bus.

But I did see Dafoe tonight so it's all good. It goes WAY to fast. One minute were listening to music, talking about school, cuddling and then I tell him a story about Caroline and it's 9:00 already. Its gayer than gay can get especially since I wanted to go to Grovenor Park tonight and watch the sunset from the playground but it was pouring rain the entire time...I just loved seeing him though he was in a bad mood because of Mummeds recent rule. I tried my best to cheer him up though.

So hopefully I will see him before the weekend but its dumb and it's hazy and uncertain. Tomorrow is Wednesday already and I am so incredibly happy that I get to go home with the rest of the pack and I will get home earlier than 6:00 and that I have an orthodonist apoitment and I get to miss Gym Class. And I don't have math so it will be quite teh short day.

Hallelujah praise the lord. Drama was also alot of fun today because we found out that the weird and annoying grade twelve boys in our class arn't actually annoying but simply just weird. They're nice guys too and we started planning our improv peice. yes its called improv and were planning it. LOLZ

But I'm going to Peace now since its 10 and kristen needs her beauty sleep...gay.