Higher Times Perhaps Kristen?

OKAY, So maybe I was being a tad emotional the last couple days. I mean, I do believe I had legit reasons. I felt so low in the dirt guys I can't even comprehend. Chris and I decided that whenever someone cries from now on ,on top of saying are you alright? were also going to say "You just totally pulled a Kristen" Yeah it's not so flattering. But I'd rather not have my boyfriend think i'm nuts and that I cry all the time. I think it's just been a lot of things. Battling myself and my own thoughts along with the things that were going on around me. I've handled too much hurt, and no thats not a complaint about life. Life hasn't given me alot of hurt, I've just turned it into negative stuff, making me feel even worse.

I know I get so close to losing myself sometimes. I just have this way of wanting to be loved. (Doesn't everyone?) But with Myself feeling so distant, Chris started to feel distant to me. And I started feeling like I was pushing everyone away. If I'm positive it doesn't give anyone else a reason to be down. So when I talked to him on the phone today, much like yesterday it was awkward the first time. This time he didn't hang up in the midst of me saying "I love you" But, I did say really quickly "I LOVE YOU" Kind of loud, and un lovingly. He kinda sounded drained but said it back. But then I talked to him on the phone later for about an hour, and I got him laughing and sounding more like my Chris and this time he jumped to say it.

I decided that if I act so depressed, and if I give myself reasons to be sad, it gives others too. Even though Daniel wouldn't think this is right I am seriously going to try and hide my feelings towards people and myself. It causes problems, sure every once and awhile I might feel like committing suicide from bottling things up but I think its a better alternative then burdening other people. For the first time in a couple weeks I see the light in the crack of the clouds. And I can feel the warmth on my face. It's getting there.

Anyways, There is a football game on friday at 5. It's Shep against JP and everyone knows they are crazy intense rivals. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm going to buy my sweats hopefully by then and have some T-Bird pride to show off. I'm dragging along my boyfriend, and Keltyn. It should be fun, I really need to let go of some demons though.

Peace Guyz.