This is what it feels like to Die. :|

When I say this is what it feels like to die, I don't mess around. Note the straight facial expression. Today was crazy, hectic but overall I was proud of myself and my accomplishments.

I had a normal day at Sheppard School :), it was full of its usual moments. I'm slowly making new friends like I mentioned on friday I believe...or thursday. Gym was alot of fun, we practiced volleyball stuff for anyone who was trying out after school, namely myself. My Phys Ed teacher Mrs. Youngs is the nicest woman I have ever met for a gym teacher. I can see her becoming kind of tough, like doing alot of running and physical activity. (In gym? Duh!)

She said the most motivational speech I have ever heard and I wish I could recall it better than I do. She said things like "Don't let anyone tell you, that you can't do it. There is no such thing as being bad at a sport, you just need to learn. For this team its a big learning step and we are looking for people with a big heart, and the skills just go along with it"

I could have kissed the ground underneath that womans feet. I was so scared for volleyball today. Too be honest I didn't think I would make it, I didn't think that I would do well, and I thought it would be chill and just something fun to do and something to be proud of.

Well, 2 out of 5 isn't so bad. I didn't need to be scared. Well, sort of. There were 70 girls that came out and we had to split the gym in half because the boys had senior tryouts on the other side of the massive wall divider thingy. Alot of my friends tried out with me because they thought it would be fun and a good thing to give a shot. Too be honest, for a short time I was really regretting my decision for showing up. I wore spandex and a shep volleyball t-shirt, I looked like I actually knew what I was doing. Which might have been a bad choice because they looked at you harder trying to decide if you had ever played before. The girls there were pretty good, better than me I thought. They had better control and better setting.

I suck at setting. And, any volleyball player would have a good laugh because I also suck at overhand serves, which most self respecting volley-ers are good at. I hated myself lets just put it that way. There were so many girls, my eyes glazed over after all the drills I just expected them. A few girls were almost shocked that she told us we had to do sucides and in between we would be doing pushups and situps. I didn't complain or go wide eyed because I kind of expected this coach woman to pull that.

Alot of the drills sucked though I have to say. We did like stretching excersises and warm ups across our 'half' gym. And I was sweating and panting and red in the face but surprisingly my energy level didn't disapear at all. I felt like I was putting on a show and I really needed good reviews.

When we were practicing outside on Shep's lawn all the grade twelve students were leaving in cars and laughing at us in our little spandex running around the lawn. I seriously regret now not getting into anything in Junior high. I could have easily made a team but I decided to just be a lazy but when now I could actually be something.

Anyways the Assistant Coach watched the warmups and practices Rebecca, Lisa and I were doing and everytime she came around she caught our worses passes and sets possible and the minute she would turn her back we would all do an owning dive into the grass (Which gave me nice hives since I'm allergic to grass), or we would do a beautiful set.

We had to do a 10 girl evaluation where we did hit drills, (Spikes) and I did really good because I'm beastly tall so it wasnt hard for me to smash the ball over the net. I fail at serves for some reason, even my underhands were not co operating and my over hands just....yeah lets not go there.

When it was over the woman cut 30 or 40 girls and the rest of us were to come back tomorrow after school. Weirdly enough I made the first cut and not only am I shocked I'm scared because now that I made this cut I kind of want to make the team, but at the same time if I do I'm going to feel like I really have to live up to my teams standards and bring my A-game. But I don't know, i'm really inconsitant in volleyball I decided.

I didn't get home until 6:00 either. So it's going to be dejavu tomorrow. I went to Grovenors park tonight at sunset with stephanie to try some hits and sets. She just laughed at me. I don't feel that I have very good chances, and I'm kind of scared of going because the Coach said "Tomorrow I will be looking at you more closely"

Good news is, that when I was practicing with Stephanie she gave me a couple good pointers. None to really alter my performance that much but to help me a little. I'm just stressed about my serves because I know I can do better I just...arn't. And serves are kinda important in volleyball. The way the Coach is setting it up is she is keeping 16 who get to go to the tournament this weekend and then after the tournie she cuts 4. Which is terrible, I am terrified that I will make the top 16 and have to play a tournie and not have my serves mastered and embaress myself in front of a crowd and up against an actual school. But its only tuesday so if that does happen I will have three days to try.

(Although someone who can't serve most likely won't make a team)
I hate life at the moment. I'm kinda stressed.

Bleh.