All the Gouls and Ghosts come out on Hallows Eve!...or a week before!

So I haven't written a blog all weekend. There are a couple reasons for that. My high stress level, my inconsistant moods, and my lack of free time on my hands. This weekend has just flown right past my eyes, and I have barely had any time to myself.

Winter is definately here. Yesterday I noticed that the last of the leaves are pretty much gone, the temperature is past the no glove weather. Hats are pretty much required. The wind has been so cold these last few days, and it actually snowed yesterday in an array of wind and snowflakes. I had to wear my ski jacket last night to protect myself from the wind.

So, I can openly say I'm not happy about that. But I am quite excited for Halloween. I love holidays, I absoulutely LOVE Halloween. I have this itch to get completely scared shitless. Friday night I hung out with Chris, Daniel, Brandan, John, and Brenan. I got home friday evening to pack up the stuff from my moms house and rocket over to Chris' house. It was definately interesting. We played Mario Kart, and Aidan still loves me. Things are different though around that house now that were just doing the friend thing. His mom is alot quieter to me, she still smiles at me and talks to me but it definately has its awkward moments.

I think at one point she whispered to me "your better off without him" But if she did, it was quick and very quiet. The only complaint that I really have is that I was alot wittier and in my opinion alot funnier then I ever have been. But sometimes I think Chris is incapable of being my friend. I will be talking and he'll whip his cellphone out in the middle of my sentence and start texting her and everyone else around me pays attention to me except him. At the dinner table, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Daniel was over by that time, and daniel is a prime example of a really good guy friend. Chris was there of course, and his older brother Jamieson and his girlfriend Theresea. And Aidan of course. Aidan was making a scene about having to wear a dishrag around his neck so when Nancy asked me if I would like one as a joke I said yes, trying to get aidan to wear his.

It wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had because Daniel joined in, and Chris' mom put one on him against his will. We were all sitting there when Aidan ripped his off and said he didn't need it. We were exchanging jokes, Chris was still secretly texting under the table and keeping his focus on his plate. I don't mean to brag, but i said alot of funny things and everytime I felt completely ignored. But for once, I didn't care and that was a nice switch.

One of the worst things about going through all of this is my comfort level with being at that house, with Aidan, with his mom, and with him. I feel so at home, and I can't feel that way anymore. One of the last times I ate dinner at his house when we were together his mom told me I basically live here because I'm basically family. Which, is a big thing to live up to when you get dumped a week after that had been said. Afterwards Aidan had these little toy guns, and we had a battle with them while Daniel tried to join in and Chris sat on the couch texting.
It was just really chill, and I paid complete attention to Aidan which he loved because Chris didn't need my attention anymore. I thought it was a bit funny, he was acting really uncomfortable with the fact that Aidan hadn't picked up that everything had completely changed. And that Aidan was still saying "I love you!" to me, and that he was still hugging my legs and kissing my hands. (Yes he does that, yes hes five)

When we went downstairs afterwards Daniel and Chris were playing on the ping pong table. I watched them having a ton of fun with each other, watching it reminded me again how I feel like Chris never opens up to girls like he does when he's with his guy friends. The side of him that I see when he's with his guys is a side that I rarely ever saw.

I don't remember why, but he ran upstairs for a quick bit and I played my song on the piano to Daniel that I wrote. I got completely into it, and Daniel listened intently and said it was really good. The bad part, was that it put me in a really down mood. I didn't need to reflect those feelings all over again when I was with that person. I kind of just sulked around afterwards but we left the house quickly because Daniel had to meet his friend Brennan at Jasper Place (which was completely pointless!)

So we walked all the way from Chris' house to Jasper place. Which, is far away if anyone cares to know. It took us two hours to get there and back and it was dark outside and very windy and I had 4 layers on. And, I happen to be a very slow walker. I kind of hobbled behind them, both of them were texting people which I guessed were their new girls so I was desperately trying to find people to text me so I wouldn't be alone. It was really cold. When we finally picked up Brennan and walked all the way back to daniels house and got a ride back to Chris' house and Brandan showed up we all plopped down on Chris' couch to watch Pulp Fiction.

Pulp Fiction is such a crazy movie, but Daniel left at one point, saying he was going to go and meet up with Tim. I remember sitting there, John and Brandan barely said a word to each other because I don't think their the best of friends. And then Chris fell asleep so I just put a blanket over him and let him keep me pinned to the couch by his legs and I sat there watching peoples heads get blown off, and Uma Therman overdosing because she snorted Heroin which Chris told me you can't do because it's too pure.

And I sat there for two hours, watching this horrific movie until I finally felt bad and kicked Chris' legs off of me and shook him awake and told him that Daniel would be back soon so he had to stay awake which was a complete lie. Soon enough it was twelve thirty and my dad came by to pick me up. I'm always amazed how normal I can act around Chris when I'm so upset. That night was a little awkward, walking home from JP. I was walking so slow by the time we were almost back and the guys thought I was mad I guess. He texted me from a few feet in front of me telling me he wasn't texting her and I felt really bad. Mostly because I know around guys you can't really act the way that I was. I need to keep my oath to act like everything is okay.

So, Chris walked me to the door half asleep and I said something like "Kay man have a good night" Or something else really casual that didn't reflect the way I was feeling at all. He gave me a hug and I skipped out to my car and went home to sleep. Declaring that evening incredibly pointless but good in a way for me. Alot of stuff went down in my head when we were walking back. I didn't act icy like I used to because I know if he can't get through with me the first time he won't keep trying. He said to me when we were walking "I think we should talk" and i said "We are talking" I called him a jerk to his face, but he didn't understand. What I should have said was. "You just really hurt me, but its okay because its nothing you did on purpose and I want you to have a life outside of my dramatic exsistance" but I didn't think that up until I was home and in my bed.

I admit, when I got home I cried because I don't know what to do anymore sometimes. I want to get past this so we can just be friends. I don't feel like I'm trying to be his friend. I feel like I'm trying to get him to understand me. But it doesn't matter. Like Caroline kept saying 'Kristen, it's because your his ex. Of course he's not going to give a shit' Unfortunately, she's right.

All day saturday I babysat. It was dumb because the weather is getting so bad we couldn't go anywhere so I was stuck inside that house all day watching Barbie Fairy Princess and The Big Comfy Couch. The other thing that really sucked was I didn't get paid because Dan just came from work so he had no money, and Kelly said she would meet up with me sometime this week to give it to me. Sure. If its one thing I kind of hate, is babysitting on a saturday. My weekend just disapears because I have cheer on sundays.

Last night I was about to go to Farm of Fear with the guys again. An incredible breakthrough for me was telling them I had made other plans, and staying with them instead of telling Rebecca I couldn't go just so I could go and get another chance at repairing things with Chris. Spooktacular was amazing and thats the only way I can put it. It literally made my Halloween this year. Edmonton is known for its festivals and events and now I know why. It was So magical.

It was held in a park called Fort Edmonton. In the summertime, its a park where they basically rebuilt an old town that used to exist in Eastern Edmonton. They have different time eras, like 1885 street, 1905 street. One of the last streets dates up to 1920's. It's like a small town on the edge of the Saskatchewan River. When I was younger and I would go there during the summer they would have people working there as peasants to talk about their homes as if they were real.

Its kind of a creepy town. Its set in the middle of the forest since thats what the river valley is covered in. The buildings are so old, they remind me of that movie the village. There are train tracks and the general store and everything is so completely convincing. Last night they set it up as a Halloween town. All the lights were in different colors, there were spiderwebs hung on everything and it was like a real Halloween town. Scary music played, and buildings became treat stops. It was dark by the time we went to this and Rebecca and I laughed at how we felt like we were in one of those HalloweenTown movies since little kids were running around laughing. There were supermans, and tiggers, and dead zombie brides running the streets. We made our way to 1905 street which was lined with an old hotel that you could stand in the line up to go in and witness the treatment center.

There is a story behind 1905 street. During the early 1900's the spanish influenza broke out and killed like 30 million people. If you caught it, your skin turned white, you got sores all over your face and your eyes would turn red. Alot of the people went crazy because the disease took over their minds. It's actually really scary. 1905 street was a reflection of that time. They actually had live actors that dressed up and walked around as the towns folk that were infected with this disease. As we stood in lineup to go into the hotel I heard Rebecca screaming behind me and I turned around and this rotting guy corned me beside the building and I fell into this ditch screaming because he was grabbing at my hair and what not. I turned around and Rebecca was laughing because his face was bleeding and he was sniffing my hair. Finally he left and I was so scared but Rebecca was laughing so hard. There was another young girl who walked with a crazy limp and I saw her coming towards me and I started to run so she ran after me. Rebecca wasn't that phased but I got the shit scared out of me.

When we got inside the building we were lead by this woman with sores all over her face into this dark room that had intestines and other organs sitting on a wooden table. She started explaining how the disease was taking over their minds. There was a hospital bed behind her with the creepiest girl I have ever seen. She had a white gown on and was playing with the veil that was surrounding the bed and singing really softly "Ring around the Rosey, Pocketful of Posey, Ashes to Ashes..." we then listened to a man's shpeil about the disease and he turned around and cut this guy's hand off.

I watched from the corner of my eye that creepy girl getting out of the bed and her singing got louder and louder and she cornered us so I just ran right out of the building. It's funny to mention that I was one of the older kids and alot of the younger kids wern't even that scared and here I was in a screaming frenzy.

Basically I want to explain every aspect of the night because it was so incredibly magical and believeable. There was a girl with a dress who would dance softly down the street giggling, but her eyes were bleeding. There was a guy who would just grumble and his mouth was gushing blood. There was an old man with his organ's falling out screaming that 'he was coming', whoever he was. There was a pasty girl who would scream "NONE OF YOU ARE HERE", there was a sargeant who I watched got crazier and crazier by the end of the night. There was a very tall boy with long hair who would growl at people.

We went into a maze, which was delightfully scary because people sat in there and would grab at your ankles. It was pitch black and you would turn a corner and someone would be there. I remember screaming 'Is there a person in that corner?!' and a woman stepped out and screamed the most demonic scream I have ever heard and said "YES!" Then I let out the most blood curdling scream and ran into a wall. I got so clausterphobic at one point, and I quickly made friends with the people behind me because I was holding on of their hands. Someone grabbed me too at one point and I grabbed them back thinking it was Rebecca when it wasn't. When we finally got out we were screaming and laughing because it was that good.

We stayed there for about three hours. Running into buildings and watching a voodoo ceremony. We watched a firedance at the end of the street where a derranged man was saying how the only way to get rid of the epidemic was to burn the people. The music was eerie because there was a cult firedance behind one of the barns. You could hear people screaming everywhere, the little kids were getting chased by the deformed towns people. One old lady started laughing hysterically.

We were so cold by the time we got out, but we certainly had an amazing time. My throat is sore today from screaming, laughing and yelling. And I am definatle going to take my kids there when I have them. As for today, I have cheer from 2:30 to 5:30, which to me is a REALLY long time and I don't enjoy that. There goes my sunday.

Then school tomorrow. Oh yay.

xoKristen.