For the very first time, I am not particularily in a writing mood. I just ate the last leftovers of turkey dinner, which is kind of disgusting since it was all cooked on sunday, and it's...thursday today...
Anyways, I'm so incredibly glad and thankful that this week is a shortened week because of monday being a holiday. Tomorrow is already friday, and It couldn't come sooner. I've being doing alot of pondering today. I was in a really good mood surprisingly the entire day, and I've never smiled so many times in my life. I had a really good day. And I'm glad to say that I thought about Chris and the whole situation probably three times in total. Which is a superb improvement to the near 200 hundred times the last couple of weeks. The hype is wearing down, the 'poor me' is wearing down. There are way more people in my life that I care way more about than Chris. That sounds harsh, I guess the thing I'm trying to say is there will ALWAYS be a place in my heart for Chris, even when I'm 80. I'll remember him as my first real relationship, and the first person I actually came to love.
I realized when I was about twelve that there is a huge difference between
"Loving someone and being in love, are two completely different things"
I remember the day I came up with it too. I was around twelve or thirteen sitting with my dad in Ottewel and his girlfriend Jacylyn and him had broken up. I think she was the first real love that he had after my mom, and when they broke up I remember being so crushed by how sad he was. Then he dated this chick named Colleen, and when they came to break up he didn't seem as affected. At least not as affected as Jacylyn. I said to him "Daddy, there is a big difference between being in love and loving someone" Loving someone doesn't take a mountain of experiences or really alot of time at all. Loving someone is simply just adoring someone inside and out for the things that they are, or at least the things that you think they are. I love alot of people, I even love people like Tim and Daniel. Where I just love the people that they are, and the things that they say and do. Basically their place in my life.
I have come to realize that life is such a long road. The last couple of weeks I felt so wretched that I tried my best to picture a new love interest and it never worked. I would just keep getting a longing feeling to be held by my old...whatever, that I honestly felt like there was no one else and there never would be and I would be miserable and hating myself for the rest of my days. But today I feel like I had such a breakthrough day, alot of good that I have needed for a while. First of all, I spent La. wasting away. But I had gym class which I have come to love because my teacher is pretty kick ass. Also, this boy in my La class is pretty fine although I think he likes another girl in my class.
I spent Gym class scouting him out when I was running up and down the bleachers in the gym, which is our warmup drill. I kept trying to point him out to lisa "The one with the fauxhawk Lisa! The hot one!" And Lunch was pretty much the same thing. Lisa and I made an oath to go into Miss Martin's class to get math help, which we didn't do but should have. Instead we went to Westmount Mall's food court just across the street, and I stared down the hot boy again and not so conspiculously all three of us stared at him, and then hid when he caught our eyes.
So, that was fun for me. I was laughing in the footcourt telling Lisa "That was the most guy action I've gotten since I've been dumped" and she laughed and pointed out that it was aside from the random makeout I had with that stranger at that other strangers party on friday. Then, Drama class I was thankfully done my monologue since yesterday's class and got to sit back and watch others perform for once. Science class, I always find puts me in either a really great mood, or a really grumpy one. Today, it turned me grumpy unfortunately. I absoulutely loathe measuring things, and doing calculations with forumlas. Its like "If you already have the formula there, can't you just do it for me?!"
Chris texted me randomly today, I find the more I try to do good for myself by not texting him or calling him, I find the more his existance is like a boomerang. Don't get me wrong, I don't scowl when I see he has texted me. I act like I am pissed, and often turn to Elly and say "Guess who just texted me?" And then I might add in a dramatic eye roll for effect. But more than usually I get all excited thinking that just maybe he texted me because he wants to make an effort to make us work as friends. He mentioned that he was in Kelowna, where I was like OH, DAM. Because when we were dating he mentioned this trip his volleyball team was taking to Kelowna in October. So I think thats cool, although he does happen to be over 12 hours away from me at this moment. I don't think it makes that much of a difference. I barely see him anyways other than the occasional desire for him to get some...things, or the fact that there is no other option but taking my bus to get to or from school.
ANYWAYS, after school Elly calls me up, laughing hysterically about how Jesse, this grade twelve boy in our drama class came up to her afterschool asking her if I was single because I was 'hot'. This is the same Jesse that dated this girl Sierra in my drama class, and Brenna, Elly and I got a good little chuckle out of seeing the way they reacted to each other. The same Jesse that once told Brenna in a skit where they ALMOST kissed that he wouldn't mind if they 'slipped'. The same Jesse that told Sierra he wanted to make out with her, his pre-pedofile stage. The same Jesse who Brenna once said "He'll kiss Sierra and rip her face out with his snaggle tooth"
Yea. That Jesse. So I told Elly that I am unfortunately going to have to skip drama for the entire next of the semester. When people like me, I
a) Get incredibly flattered and instantly feel like I'm worth something and that people want me.
b) My ego kind of goes up for a short period of time, and I honestly think I'm the shit.
c) I feel really REALLY guilty and go out of my way to talk to them and make them feel like they are worth something.
Usually it ends up leaving them to think that I return their feelings. I don't know why I'm blogging this, it kind of doesn't matter. I guess I just feel like sharing those little morsals of thoughts.
I have one small thing I still feel like mentioning. The little fact that my doorbell keeps ringing, and just a few minutes ago I stepped outside to see who was ringing it and a bunch of little fat kids were running for cover behind a tiny little hill behind my house. I just wrote a letter and posted it to my front door saying:
"Ring my doorbell again, and I'll kill you. K, Thnx!"
I think it perfectly suits the situation. LOL. I'm actually excited for school tomorrow. I'm excited to hopefully get to math and understand the material and hopefully something will click. I'm excited to go to La so I can get used to the feeling of getting stared at by a really gooda looking boy. I am excited to go to Drama and be whispered upon with Brenna and Elly, trying my best to avoid Jesse since Elly told him I am indeed single. And I am also excited to sit back for another easy class of watching performances.
But, I best be getting along to publishing this so I can work on my science project some more, get some studying in and prepare myself for Cheer which starts in a couple of hours. I haven't been to cheer in a week I am excited!
xoKristen
Anyways, I'm so incredibly glad and thankful that this week is a shortened week because of monday being a holiday. Tomorrow is already friday, and It couldn't come sooner. I've being doing alot of pondering today. I was in a really good mood surprisingly the entire day, and I've never smiled so many times in my life. I had a really good day. And I'm glad to say that I thought about Chris and the whole situation probably three times in total. Which is a superb improvement to the near 200 hundred times the last couple of weeks. The hype is wearing down, the 'poor me' is wearing down. There are way more people in my life that I care way more about than Chris. That sounds harsh, I guess the thing I'm trying to say is there will ALWAYS be a place in my heart for Chris, even when I'm 80. I'll remember him as my first real relationship, and the first person I actually came to love.
I realized when I was about twelve that there is a huge difference between
"Loving someone and being in love, are two completely different things"
I remember the day I came up with it too. I was around twelve or thirteen sitting with my dad in Ottewel and his girlfriend Jacylyn and him had broken up. I think she was the first real love that he had after my mom, and when they broke up I remember being so crushed by how sad he was. Then he dated this chick named Colleen, and when they came to break up he didn't seem as affected. At least not as affected as Jacylyn. I said to him "Daddy, there is a big difference between being in love and loving someone" Loving someone doesn't take a mountain of experiences or really alot of time at all. Loving someone is simply just adoring someone inside and out for the things that they are, or at least the things that you think they are. I love alot of people, I even love people like Tim and Daniel. Where I just love the people that they are, and the things that they say and do. Basically their place in my life.
I have come to realize that life is such a long road. The last couple of weeks I felt so wretched that I tried my best to picture a new love interest and it never worked. I would just keep getting a longing feeling to be held by my old...whatever, that I honestly felt like there was no one else and there never would be and I would be miserable and hating myself for the rest of my days. But today I feel like I had such a breakthrough day, alot of good that I have needed for a while. First of all, I spent La. wasting away. But I had gym class which I have come to love because my teacher is pretty kick ass. Also, this boy in my La class is pretty fine although I think he likes another girl in my class.
I spent Gym class scouting him out when I was running up and down the bleachers in the gym, which is our warmup drill. I kept trying to point him out to lisa "The one with the fauxhawk Lisa! The hot one!" And Lunch was pretty much the same thing. Lisa and I made an oath to go into Miss Martin's class to get math help, which we didn't do but should have. Instead we went to Westmount Mall's food court just across the street, and I stared down the hot boy again and not so conspiculously all three of us stared at him, and then hid when he caught our eyes.
So, that was fun for me. I was laughing in the footcourt telling Lisa "That was the most guy action I've gotten since I've been dumped" and she laughed and pointed out that it was aside from the random makeout I had with that stranger at that other strangers party on friday. Then, Drama class I was thankfully done my monologue since yesterday's class and got to sit back and watch others perform for once. Science class, I always find puts me in either a really great mood, or a really grumpy one. Today, it turned me grumpy unfortunately. I absoulutely loathe measuring things, and doing calculations with forumlas. Its like "If you already have the formula there, can't you just do it for me?!"
Chris texted me randomly today, I find the more I try to do good for myself by not texting him or calling him, I find the more his existance is like a boomerang. Don't get me wrong, I don't scowl when I see he has texted me. I act like I am pissed, and often turn to Elly and say "Guess who just texted me?" And then I might add in a dramatic eye roll for effect. But more than usually I get all excited thinking that just maybe he texted me because he wants to make an effort to make us work as friends. He mentioned that he was in Kelowna, where I was like OH, DAM. Because when we were dating he mentioned this trip his volleyball team was taking to Kelowna in October. So I think thats cool, although he does happen to be over 12 hours away from me at this moment. I don't think it makes that much of a difference. I barely see him anyways other than the occasional desire for him to get some...things, or the fact that there is no other option but taking my bus to get to or from school.
ANYWAYS, after school Elly calls me up, laughing hysterically about how Jesse, this grade twelve boy in our drama class came up to her afterschool asking her if I was single because I was 'hot'. This is the same Jesse that dated this girl Sierra in my drama class, and Brenna, Elly and I got a good little chuckle out of seeing the way they reacted to each other. The same Jesse that once told Brenna in a skit where they ALMOST kissed that he wouldn't mind if they 'slipped'. The same Jesse that told Sierra he wanted to make out with her, his pre-pedofile stage. The same Jesse who Brenna once said "He'll kiss Sierra and rip her face out with his snaggle tooth"
Yea. That Jesse. So I told Elly that I am unfortunately going to have to skip drama for the entire next of the semester. When people like me, I
a) Get incredibly flattered and instantly feel like I'm worth something and that people want me.
b) My ego kind of goes up for a short period of time, and I honestly think I'm the shit.
c) I feel really REALLY guilty and go out of my way to talk to them and make them feel like they are worth something.
Usually it ends up leaving them to think that I return their feelings. I don't know why I'm blogging this, it kind of doesn't matter. I guess I just feel like sharing those little morsals of thoughts.
I have one small thing I still feel like mentioning. The little fact that my doorbell keeps ringing, and just a few minutes ago I stepped outside to see who was ringing it and a bunch of little fat kids were running for cover behind a tiny little hill behind my house. I just wrote a letter and posted it to my front door saying:
"Ring my doorbell again, and I'll kill you. K, Thnx!"
I think it perfectly suits the situation. LOL. I'm actually excited for school tomorrow. I'm excited to hopefully get to math and understand the material and hopefully something will click. I'm excited to go to La so I can get used to the feeling of getting stared at by a really gooda looking boy. I am excited to go to Drama and be whispered upon with Brenna and Elly, trying my best to avoid Jesse since Elly told him I am indeed single. And I am also excited to sit back for another easy class of watching performances.
But, I best be getting along to publishing this so I can work on my science project some more, get some studying in and prepare myself for Cheer which starts in a couple of hours. I haven't been to cheer in a week I am excited!
xoKristen
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