One step at a time

The thing about my life lately is that it is very inconsistant. I had a really good weekend, and although I had little time to relax and smell the roses I feel ready for monday morning. About as ready as I can be. I just finished reading up Alyssa's blog. I love her, and she hasn't written a little blog in awhile. It's true how this little white box is an escape and portal between my mind and the real world. I miss not being able to go in such great depth about things, but I still can open up the bowles of my mind as Alyssa does, but just with some caution.

I am genuinely happy. I'm not exactly confident with my situations at the moment. I feel like this happiness is somewhat unstable, since i;ve been proven wrong before. I trust my instinct and the way that I carry myself. But, I still have my doubts. Everything with everyone seems to be going as it's planned, and it's scared to embrace that with amounts of trust. Things with my friends are very good. I have found a new little crew, and Elly is becoming someone I really trust. I haven't even let Rebecca and Lisa go which is the best part because I still have my time with them, but I've taken a little break with spending all my time with them that we don't get on each others nerves anymore.

For a little while I was very distant towards being happy. I didn't really know how to be happy and I didn't let myself be. I think I really caused my friends to shut me out because I was acting so icy. I think I was allowed to just because I was so hurt for awhile. But I think I finally got off the feeling sorry for myself ship and just told myself that things get better because they do. I miss alot of things and alot of the time they still catch up to me but I am confident that things will get better and go away.

I saw Chris today, I guess its fine to just use his name. I am happy that a friendship is working. I am not happy however that it is day B tomorrow. I had a really good time today though surprisingly, I like being happy when I can see things in the future turning out the way that I want them to. Things just suck sometimes, some things still do. But I have to remind myself that this is my life and because it is, it is the only one I should be focusing on. I don't need to worry about the girls at Cheer and why they make fun of me, I don't need to worry about Chris and his choices because their his. I can't justifiy why he does the things he does. Or why anyone does the things they do. I just need to be in a place where I feel stable. And I will be there soon.

XoKristen