"You said you'd always be there, but where are you now?"
That song, is SUCH a good song. I was trying to recall a quote from this movie I watched called forgetting Sarah Marshall. I was playing around with it in my mind today, but for some reason I completely forgot it. Oh well! It was tuesday today, and such a miserable tuesday it was!
Not miserable because I'm just a pocketful of daisies, but miserable because as I was walking home from the bus stop today I realized that the sky was not too many shades different than the massive piles of snow that are starting to form. When I left for the bus stop this morning the world was extremely quiet and just covered in a blanket of snow. Course when its snowing, there has to be an insane wind to go along with it so that the snow flakes feel like someone is throwing staples at your face.
Every single day summer gets farther and farther away. I was thinking about this, how supposedly things get easier with time. No judgment, they do, except I'm curious as to these people that say they get easier with time, have ever experianced it actually going away. It seems like its this dark cloud that Im just learning to live with. The summer seems so recent, but so far away when I think about it now. It makes me sad that it gets dark around 4:30, and that the world is just completely silenced by the snow and the clouds.
Nothing is how it was. I compared relationships in my head today, with drugs. That one person, becomes your drug. You know, the one who makes you who you are. Over time they grow and become a part of you, someone you really really trust and feel like are an extension of who you are as a person. It's like an addiction. Everyday is spent just waiting to be in their arms, under their spell. When it ends, its like going insane. You want it so badly sometimes you could just scream, but when its out of your reach there isnt a thing you can do. Anyhow, I'm learning to accept it. I always say that I just get used to it, rather than keeping moving forward. There isn't any question that I am living my life in the past.
The bus ride this morning was extremely long. It took me over an hour to get to school thanks to the newly fallen snow roads. Edmonton roads are always like this when the snow first begins to pour from the sky. People freak out and drive like idiots. One street that connects to this traffic circle right by Chris' school took us half an hour to get down. And I'm not even exagerating.
I got to school just after the bell had rung for the start of classes, but I was hungry and skipped the beginning of La to go and get some breakfast with Lisa. Swimming was a delight, my swimming cap actually worked, and my hair was completely dry. Whilst the rest of the girls were running around with blow dryers, screaming when their hair froze when they ran back to the school, and fretting about how their hair smelt like chlorine, I was laughing it up with my comb running it through my dry straight hair. It was nice.
Overall, it was good. I mean, I can't complain. Well I can, the weather was shit. But I already mentioned that. My bus drives by Rio Terrace park in the morning as part of its route. I spent like my entire summer in that park, running around and getting drunk with the people I cared about and cared about me at the time. Sometimes when we drive by in the morning and its dark I try really hard to picture the little french school surrounded by the huge trees with their huge green leaves and thriving bugs and birds that used to linger on it. And the playground where I remember I once scaled with a bunch of people in the middle of September at Daniel's sisters birthday party. The grass was green and the air was warm and thick. When the sun went down, it was a three hour process, filling the sky with the most beautiful colors I have ever seen. I used to lie in the grass, I remember one time at Morgans house all of us were at her house and when night fell we ran to the park across the street from the Country Club and I laid on top of Chris because I'm allergic to grass. And we all looked at the stars and laughed, and complained about how the city makes it hard to see the stars.
Everyone was happy, there were things that were hard but everything was stable. I think none of us really wanted to think about the future. I think somehow I always knew that Highschool would bring a whole new life to my entire group of friends. I mean, Caroline and I used to climb moutains just to get Chris and Tim to come over so we could have a double date hangout. We used to sit around her bonfire and play would you rather and Never have I ever. I used to talk to Chris on the phone until he fell asleep and I would hear nothing but his breath and whisper goodnight and then hang up. I used to go to Morgans and watch everyone clamber into her hottub while I jumped on the trampoline.
They were my best friends. And it was the best summer of my life. Now I know what Chris meant when he said he wish it could be summer forever. I guess it's good to be remembered as an amazing memory rather than keep this drama going all the way through grade ten. I can't get summer back. I've been trying for so long to keep that hope burning in my heart that maybe, just MAYBE Chris will call me telling me he made a mistake. Summer was Chris, and Chris was my summer. It sucks for me, I am starting to believe I'm such a clingy person.
I don't honestly believe I'm going to look back on the beginning of grade ten and remember this as the time of my life. I feel like I'm just going to think of it and shudder because things have been such a roller coaster for me. But going through stuff like this makes you feel stronger, like your superwoman, and if you can overcome this you can overcome anything. I remember that Sarah Marshall Quote now, he said.
"It makes you feel almost impermeable to pain, like we could jump off this cliff and it wouldn't hurt as much as they hurt us."
How much I wish I could say I was a strong person. I'm starting to believe this is going to devour my life for the rest of grade ten. Fuck, I sure hope not. I can tell this isn't the end of the road.
I can tell.
XoKristen
That song, is SUCH a good song. I was trying to recall a quote from this movie I watched called forgetting Sarah Marshall. I was playing around with it in my mind today, but for some reason I completely forgot it. Oh well! It was tuesday today, and such a miserable tuesday it was!
Not miserable because I'm just a pocketful of daisies, but miserable because as I was walking home from the bus stop today I realized that the sky was not too many shades different than the massive piles of snow that are starting to form. When I left for the bus stop this morning the world was extremely quiet and just covered in a blanket of snow. Course when its snowing, there has to be an insane wind to go along with it so that the snow flakes feel like someone is throwing staples at your face.
Every single day summer gets farther and farther away. I was thinking about this, how supposedly things get easier with time. No judgment, they do, except I'm curious as to these people that say they get easier with time, have ever experianced it actually going away. It seems like its this dark cloud that Im just learning to live with. The summer seems so recent, but so far away when I think about it now. It makes me sad that it gets dark around 4:30, and that the world is just completely silenced by the snow and the clouds.
Nothing is how it was. I compared relationships in my head today, with drugs. That one person, becomes your drug. You know, the one who makes you who you are. Over time they grow and become a part of you, someone you really really trust and feel like are an extension of who you are as a person. It's like an addiction. Everyday is spent just waiting to be in their arms, under their spell. When it ends, its like going insane. You want it so badly sometimes you could just scream, but when its out of your reach there isnt a thing you can do. Anyhow, I'm learning to accept it. I always say that I just get used to it, rather than keeping moving forward. There isn't any question that I am living my life in the past.
The bus ride this morning was extremely long. It took me over an hour to get to school thanks to the newly fallen snow roads. Edmonton roads are always like this when the snow first begins to pour from the sky. People freak out and drive like idiots. One street that connects to this traffic circle right by Chris' school took us half an hour to get down. And I'm not even exagerating.
I got to school just after the bell had rung for the start of classes, but I was hungry and skipped the beginning of La to go and get some breakfast with Lisa. Swimming was a delight, my swimming cap actually worked, and my hair was completely dry. Whilst the rest of the girls were running around with blow dryers, screaming when their hair froze when they ran back to the school, and fretting about how their hair smelt like chlorine, I was laughing it up with my comb running it through my dry straight hair. It was nice.
Overall, it was good. I mean, I can't complain. Well I can, the weather was shit. But I already mentioned that. My bus drives by Rio Terrace park in the morning as part of its route. I spent like my entire summer in that park, running around and getting drunk with the people I cared about and cared about me at the time. Sometimes when we drive by in the morning and its dark I try really hard to picture the little french school surrounded by the huge trees with their huge green leaves and thriving bugs and birds that used to linger on it. And the playground where I remember I once scaled with a bunch of people in the middle of September at Daniel's sisters birthday party. The grass was green and the air was warm and thick. When the sun went down, it was a three hour process, filling the sky with the most beautiful colors I have ever seen. I used to lie in the grass, I remember one time at Morgans house all of us were at her house and when night fell we ran to the park across the street from the Country Club and I laid on top of Chris because I'm allergic to grass. And we all looked at the stars and laughed, and complained about how the city makes it hard to see the stars.
Everyone was happy, there were things that were hard but everything was stable. I think none of us really wanted to think about the future. I think somehow I always knew that Highschool would bring a whole new life to my entire group of friends. I mean, Caroline and I used to climb moutains just to get Chris and Tim to come over so we could have a double date hangout. We used to sit around her bonfire and play would you rather and Never have I ever. I used to talk to Chris on the phone until he fell asleep and I would hear nothing but his breath and whisper goodnight and then hang up. I used to go to Morgans and watch everyone clamber into her hottub while I jumped on the trampoline.
They were my best friends. And it was the best summer of my life. Now I know what Chris meant when he said he wish it could be summer forever. I guess it's good to be remembered as an amazing memory rather than keep this drama going all the way through grade ten. I can't get summer back. I've been trying for so long to keep that hope burning in my heart that maybe, just MAYBE Chris will call me telling me he made a mistake. Summer was Chris, and Chris was my summer. It sucks for me, I am starting to believe I'm such a clingy person.
I don't honestly believe I'm going to look back on the beginning of grade ten and remember this as the time of my life. I feel like I'm just going to think of it and shudder because things have been such a roller coaster for me. But going through stuff like this makes you feel stronger, like your superwoman, and if you can overcome this you can overcome anything. I remember that Sarah Marshall Quote now, he said.
"It makes you feel almost impermeable to pain, like we could jump off this cliff and it wouldn't hurt as much as they hurt us."
How much I wish I could say I was a strong person. I'm starting to believe this is going to devour my life for the rest of grade ten. Fuck, I sure hope not. I can tell this isn't the end of the road.
I can tell.
XoKristen
0 comments:
Post a Comment