Send happiness down from the stars.

I am feeling better yet today. Not good, but better. I have come to terms that this will never actually go away and I will be cursed with pain not only inflicted upon myself but upon other people. That just must be the way that it has to be. It really makes me wonder, when you see someone somewhere, someone that seems utterly insignificant and then you think about it, they might be suicidal or something. What about the person who rings your burger through the till at Dairy Queen? They might just have gotten dumped for their best friend. It's hard to think your the only one with pain. For some reason, that feeling of not being alone has always comforted me. Knowing that other people are hurting too.

NOT THAT I WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO HURT! BECAUSE I DON'T! I just don't know anymore. I really don't. I guess I'm going to have to sit back for a little while and let my life control itself. I don't work for a really long time. That one thought is burning through my brain. I want to work. I went to the mall this morning with my mother. She bought me a new pair of jeans and a couple shirts. Likewise, I have to pay her back. Which I will do shortly, but it was still a nice gesture. I hate shopping though, I only like purchasing.

It wasn't long until West Ed got packed to the brims and we had to escape with our purchases under our arms. Now I'm home, thinking about what I'm going to do tonight. Rebecca, Lisa, Paulina and I are going to find a party. it's what we say were going to do, but I just want to spend some time with my close friends. I know they won't judge me. The idea of school gets more and more terrifying. I wish I could have taken this back, but I really don't know what I want at this point.

Anyhow, I think I'll just go. My thoughts are very neutral right now. So I'd like to keep them that way, rather than firing myself up within a blog. That causes me stress. Alot of things cause me stress. But what can I do. Ugh, I feel so hopeless right now. I almost cried today staring at my computers desktop and pictures of Morgan and I slid by, during the days where we would sit on my garage roof and bask in the sunlight and play my guitar. Now if I were to climb up there I'd need snowpants and a huge jacket and maybe some ice picks. I'd also be sitting under three feet of snow. It might not be the comfortable, especially when I'd eventually probably fall off the roof. I'm going to go and make a video now though. I want to make more of my KandKLINK videos. I promised Keltyn I would do that, and I haven't been. It's on my top list of priorities.

Bye.