Stupid Idiot Retard

I am so motherfucking dumb! I am the most selfish person on this entire planet. Like, I wanted something bad enough to go for it without thinking about other peoples fucking feelings and being a complete and total hypocrite to everyone and everything I've ever said. This situation is honestly going to kill me. If anything brings me to the end it will be this. There's no doubt in my mind that its it.

Oh right, Merry Fucking Christmas. I had an amazing Christmas with my small little divided family. For the first year of my life the presents didn't really play a factor, and that my friends is a keyhole into the portal of my grown up world. Im going to my grandpas today because my Cousins from Calgary came down. I haven't seen them since the Calgary Stampede at the beginning of July. I can't help but miss July, but saying this is making me feel like I'm digging myself a deeper hole. I have no idea what's going to happen now im so fucking scared. I was doing so well, on my path back to happiness and stability. I can't help but feel like I've fallen back on my face again. Done something completely morally backwards. Completely.

Fuck I am so selfish. And I am so scared, and I am so so so sorry.
XoKristen