Captain Asshole, Kristen's your bitch and the belt story

Why is life so inconsistant? Like is it necessary for the world to give me grief at the exact same time as it gives me happiness? Earth to life, they clash! It's so stupid. If my life were a movie, it'd go something like this:

The scene is set in a vast meadow. The sky is a dark blue and has very few stars in it. The camera grazes delicately accross the starless sky. It swoops down and a maze is present. It's just as large as the world itself. (In theory)

Well, that's all I've gotten so far. But I can promise you I won't leave out any key elements. Like the wild bears that are hungry for human flesh, and the attack of the happiness eating plague bugs. As you can see, I've put alot of thought into it. But really, when I think of life according to me I just see this insane colorful picture with few splotches of orange and yellow, alot of red and black, and maybe a few of white. Just too much disarray for myself to handle.

Too much! My head is like this chamber of secrets. (Wow, should contact Harry Potter! He knows his stuff!) I just can't escape my mind lately. I have very large up moments, and then moments where it all comes crumbling back down again. This morning was terrible. I had been texting Timothy who was encouraging me to hate Chris. I can't say I disagree but then he said "Hate him and imagine all the things him and Sarah were doing together while he turned his back to you" Like really? REALLY? Do you REALLY want to cross the line like that?

I was in the middle of Spanish Class, in the stupid language Lab on the stupid computers practicing the verbs Ser and Estar and I almost burst into tears. I went into autopilot because I can't handle the reality of my life. The screen was just this screen that hurt my eyes, the people around me were just there. I could have cared less about my miserable and stupid existance.

That's what talking about these things does to me. Lisa, Rebecca and I went to Westmount at Lunch and not even their interesing lunchtime chatter could snap me out of it. There were couples everywhere and little dark haired girls everywhere just like his girlfriend. I have enough issues trying to see things logically, better yet blocking out those images in my mind.

It really burned. It cut pretty deep I'll say.

Thank god for Drama class though, it's all I can say. It brought my mood right back up on the moodometer. Paulina made me laugh, and singing in front of my class brought up my confidence all over again. After crying from laughter in drama, I went to math where we had a subsitute (whom I felt bad for because face it; subs are pretty much the target of humiliation the minute they walk in the door) She wasn't really a match for my highschool math class. Everyone was talking and blaring music. At one point this kid Clay turned up his ipod as loud as it could go and played Hannah Montana.

It was funny, I like when people around me talk to me. Like Kyle and Keily. I enjoy conversation with new people. It makes me feel special like; wow, I'm actually good enough to be spoken too!

So when the day was over I was in a jolly mood. Even when the bus was late and the bus driver didn't even seem to give a shit that we had to wait outside in a blizzard, I was still riding that high horse. Chris got on the bus and I kept myself as leveled as I could, and I did well. Better than yesterday. I still say things that I mentally kick myself in the face for afterwards.

Course, then I remind myself that he doesn't care and I feel less terrible about it. It's really quite amazing how little he cares. He has no urge to really see me outside of school other than for a few minutes on the bus, I know he has no urge to text me. And I did a really nice thing for him today, who knows why I let myself do it, but I did. And I still get the cold shoulder. If your reading this THANKS FOR TEXTING ME BACK MORON!

*Mumble* Assholes. I can do this though. I am confident in my strength. Although the belt thing was a fail. What's the belt 'thing' you ask? Well first of all I want to go into a rant about my father, only because I think something must have crawled up his ass and died because he's always yelling at me about responsibility and I do better than most of my friends in that department.

He's just yelling at me right now about leaving the television on on the first floor. It's a reasonable complaint, although one thing I need to mention is that he is the biggest drama queen on this planet. He's screaming at me about where the remote is, I tell him it's on the couch and then he screams "Where is the remote? I can't hear you the TV is on!"

Like...shut up. I am a very respectful person, probably the most respectful person you'll come across because he's hammered it into me. Everything is 'disrespectful'. Dropping something on the stairwell is disrespectful. Tripping and falling down the stairs can be disrespectful if it's loud. I can tell him "Dad, I fell" and he'll say "No Kristen, you JUMPED. Stop being so disrespectful" It's like, Um kai thanks. I purposely launched myself off the stairwell just to fall and make a huge noise and hurt my fucking ass in the process. Yes, I will show you more respect next time. And his whole sherade today about my boots bringing in 'mud'. Oh my god haha as I'm writing this he's over my shoulder in my ear saying "At least you remembered to feed the bird today, thanks for that" Sarcastic bumhole. I didn't even have time to tell you about the 'mud' *cough* snow at the front door because he was already up in my ear. He gets really pissed off at me because I track mud into the house from the front door. He said to me today as I walked into the house "Do you want me to grab a vaccum so you can vaccum all of this up after your shower" And I said "Well depends, it'll probably have melted by then" And he gets down and inspects the carpet (Which is there for the sole purpose of outdoor footwear) And says "No, I'm talking about all the little grains that you tracked in here) And I bend down and see fucking nothing and roll my eyes jokingly and he starts acting like hes going to hit me. (Which he does often) Saying I am very disrespectful and he;s never going to do anything nice for me again and started mocking me saying "Thanks Dad, Thanks for making me dinner and talking me to get my belt punched" Which is a story all it's own!

Now that I'm done talking about Captin Asshole, I'll tell you about Captain Kristen-gets-owned-by-her-ex. Basically, I bought Chris a belt for Christmas from FCUK. It's quite snazzy, leather belt, metal buckle all shiny and what not. But he is scary skinny and the holes wern't in the right place. So I lied and told him I was getting my belt punched tonight so I could take him to get his done as well. He thanked me and what not, and when I got home today I frantically called around looking for a Shoe repair place close to my dads house. They closed at 5 and I got my dad to race over there and lied telling him it was my belt I needed punched because I didn't want him swearing about how Chris was an asshole and didn't deserve it. Which...he doesn't.

So I got four holes cut for him, not just one. And paid two bucks plus gas to get over there, froze my ass off and left my dinner until later even though I was starved, just for this stupid belt. I texted him, (it's my weakness, I'm sorry!) and told him I got it punched and he said "Oh thanks. Does it look good?" And I said yes, but it cost two dollars! And he hasn't said anything back. Like, thanks for the consideration.

He sucks. And I suck for being his bitch when he doesn't know I'm his bitch. This whole moving on thing has become alot more of a puzzle than I anticipated. Damnit.

DAMNIT!

XoKristen

P.S. ALYSSA WRITE A BLOG I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU!