Fail!

I am one thoughtless individual. I just got home from seeing "He's just not that into you" I went with Elly and Sareet and I laughed my ass off and had a really good time. My life is starting to open up before my eyes and I'm enjoying it. I am having immense fun being me. I am learning to not become caught up in little drama's in my life because I need to be above it. I can't really express my feelings because I just feel like a bleeding heart. One who feels happy, but I still have my moments of discomfort. Hearing his name, seeing him, as I speak I'm listening to the sound of Cribs on MTV in the backround and the girl's house they are showing must have a boyfriend named Chris because she keeps saying "This is Chris's" And so fourth.

I had my first cheer competition ever today! It was nerve wracking, but not as bad as I had anticipated. When I was little I was quite the bowl of nerves. Everything I did would give me a stomach ache and now I barely bat an eyelash. I didn't get a nervous stomach ache today, the whole butterfly shebang, but when we were called to warmup behind the curtain before we did our routine I was sweating and shaking. That is a kind of nerve that I'm not used to having. I really couldn't tell you how we did. I was so pumped up, but so nervous. I know I did ridiculous facials for the audience, and I know that most of my stunts worked. But it was just a shouting, cheering, loud rap music blur. The minute I stepped off I was thinking "I did it!"

We got some feedback from Rebecca's sister Katie who was watching. She has been in cheer for awhile, and apparently it wasn't as good as I had hoped. Our jumps were apparantly off and our timing in the music was terrible too apparently. I still think we did for our first competition ever. We won gold in our division, because we were the only ones in our division. Our makeup and hair was ridiculous. I was so greasy climbing into my moms car afterwards. I had like three pounds of hairspray in my hair to make this bump for bangs and a really fat and teased ponytail. My makeup was like red and gold all the way up to my eyebrows. It was a bit terrifying. I joked to the girls on my team that I looked like a drag queen. (We all sort of did)

The piercing thing I didn't really need to worry. When we were going to warmup, Corey had a little container and said "Everyone with piercings!" and I just took my nose ring out quick and simple and my stomach ring and it was all okay. When we got off that was like the first thing on my mind though and I was so incredibly shaky I couldn't get my stomach ring in and I was begging Lisa to help me, she extended a hand and then she was shaking. I'm not exactly sure why my body did such a thing because we'd ran over the routine about 8 or 9 times at practice and I was probably way more tired then, then I was at the competition today.

But at least I consider it a success! I'm proud of us. I know the other girls probably wern't too thrilled. Most of them are used to High School Routines and fast clean routines, and ours seemed like it fell apart at the seams a little bit. But, I got a little gold medal and a gold ribbon and when I got home I tacked them on my little corkboard. I feel a bit of a poser even though I did work to get them, but there are girls that are actually tops and don't just sit and lift people all day long like myself.

I'm tired though man, I have another competition next weekend in Red Deer. Kind of dreading that. I feel like "Yes, I did it! I finished that competition!" But then in just one more short week I'll be back where I started. And I was incredibly nervous. Kind of scared to feel that way again. But I have to admit, the adreneline rush kind of blinded me. Hopefully the next competition and then the next one and next one just makes us get better and better and eventually we just kick ass hard.

That'd be a nice accomplishment for me. LOL, I didn't realize it was only 10:30. I will not be able to forgive myself if I go to sleep at 10:30. So I think right now I will go and work on my science Brochure.

That'd be a good plan. And notice how I barely mentioned Chris! Yeah! It's getting better. But, I miss him. I needed to say that.

LOL.

XoKristen.