Sometimes it's very strange. How some people you come across in your life are very easy to be around. It's like the sun is just the only thing behind you, with this warm glow on your neck. The first day you meet these people it's like you've been in their life for years rather than seconds or minutes. Then there are the others that you spend months trying to break through that barrier that makes the air incredibly awkward and tense when your around them.
Why is that? I don't understand the connection between some people and the absence of it between other people. We're doing Social dance in gym class if I haven't already mentioned and I was kind of putting together my conversations with some people. How with this one boy named Bryce whose wicked sweet and very lively and kind instantly warmed up to me and made me feel like I'd known him for ages and there wern't any awkward laughs or nervous anythings because I was just having fun. It's similar with Elly, It's like a month after I met her I was considering her my bestfriend already. She literally is one of the best friends I have and I only came to talk to her in October and it's April now. I can't imagine not having her around at this point.
And then there are people like this one boy whom I have hung out with once and ever since then we don't say a word to each other in the hallways, when there are only four people on the bus his glance just flickers at mine and then away again and it's as if no matter what I would to ever say to him it wouldn't change the fact that he and I are never going to be friends. I have friends that at the moment I feel as if I know every single detail about them down to their core and it's not necessarily a good thing because there is too much bad in them and negative energy to possibly outweigh the good in them. And of course the ones that I feel completely in synch with that I know everything and they are the perfect friends.
And then there are the ones like Chris, like Lisa, Morgan. Keltyn. People who no matter how close to them I get there is always something else to learn about them. That they never stop surprising me and I can't think for one second that I could possibly predict what they are going to do with their lives. I am ecstatic that I hung out with Chris today, not to sound insane. But I have always dreamt of being his bestfriend without all the drama of having a crush on someone. I'm just glad like I said, to hang out and make friends without any stress.
So, all is good in the world of Kristen. It's content, except for the schoolwork part which I hate to admit is probably more important. I'm a very happy person as of now and I can't help but anaylze at times how far I've come from being a rock at the bottom of a fucking river to someone that accepts the cards she's delt. Even when Chris was talking to me about dating and how he's tired and can't handle it I felt like it didn't matter because he was telling me something important to him and I should feel honored to get to share that. I'm a lucky person to have 'made up' with Rebecca, to have Caroline and Lisa and Chris now, and Elly. And to have the drama gone as if it never began. But maybe not completely, because ever so often a picture will surface and my heart will delicately crack. But I am proud of myself for being so rational. For not being crazy much anymore. For being me without being too crazy about it.
XoKristen
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