Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again

So, spring break is over fairly soon! A week is such a short time in my mind, it just kind of whizzes by. Especially since I haven't really done much. I had an okay enough day today. I slept over at Morgans which usually consists of the same laughs and giddyness that errupts when the two of us get together. And then we usually go to sleep rather early and shortly after we wake I go home. I'm leaving for work here in a few minutes, and I have to walk today since my father has a dentist appointment but it really doesn't matter.

I'm a bit sad, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't respond to my phone calls or text messages or something. It's probably just because I'm insecure, infact I know it is. But it still makes me feel very vulnerable and the anxiety just grows and grows the longer it takes for them to say something and I honestly feel right now that Chris is never going to speak to me again. That's how insecure I am. I've been sending him text messages give or take everyday since monday. And the only thing he replied to, was the one where I asked him if he was dead and he said Ya and left it at that.

I'm really worried. I'd like to be selfless and say it's because I'm worried for his well being, but actually i'm worried because this stress is getting to me. Because I am worried that he is pulling some sort of stunt to never speak to me again. I full out believe that. And I know it's probably just because I'm crazy, but I am concoting all of these possibilites in my head and I haven't done anything! The last time I saw him I was getting of the bus with Chris Liu and I gave him a massive hug and he didn't seem to mind. And now I am being borderline insane, tracing my steps. I'm trying to think if I said anything to anyone, If I said anything to him. If I didn't say something? I don't know whats wrong with me, why this affects me so much. But all I can say is that at least this time I'm not lying on the floor crying and screaming at the dead air in front of me. Which, uh haha I probably have done. Now i've just been kind of quiet.

I don't like the kind of person I am right now. I should never let anything I do be determined by one person and the things they do to me. If he is mad at me, I might actually break because he hasn't said a thing to me. And it's been going on for a few days. But I've done this before, I've jumped to conclusions. One thing that just popped into my head is my blog where I said that I hated him. I just pray that that's not it. I feel so vulnerable and scared and sad. I'm so scared.

Fucccccccck. I am a pathetic individual. I hate highschool, I hate the direction of my life, I hate myself. I hate me.

xoKristen.