Bad Kids, all my friends are bad kids

I wanted to write a new blog for the longest time. I was sitting here just now, wishing that I had somewhere to write a thought where people would read it. I think the only time people were interested in my blog was back in the first months of grade ten, when I was a topic of discussion, and people found it funny and strange to figure that I was so candid about my life.

I regret that. I feel as if now I am getting by without worrying about the little details. I'm trying to be myself more, and not focus so much on the future. (I still do that a lot of the time though) This past weekend I went to Calgary for Thanksgiving. A lot has changed in a sense, but in a way it hasn't. School starting up again felt very similar to how it always had. I felt like I had never been away for the best summer of my life, and I felt as if I were coming back to where I left off.

I'm content with life, happy with my relationships, and I'm scared. I'm really bloody scared because I don't really feel like I have a handle on things very often and when I finally do it's like a ticking time bomb, just waiting for this handle on things to explode. I'm happy with my job. The people I work with are friendly and comforting, walking into work can be dreading but also lovely because I love seeing Sheena and her incredibly witty and twisted sense of humor. And I love seeing Laney and hearing her wild stories and seeing her infectious smile. I don't love school but I'm not going to lie when I say that I make it sound a lot worse than it has to be. I like guitar class, I like Brandon who I sit next to and plays me interesting riffs. I like Leonard and when he sits behind me, always really baked but always playing crazy riffs as well and playing songs with Sean. Songs that go like: Bad kids, all we are is bad kids, all my friends are bad kids

I like my room at my moms house and how even on the worst mornings where I'm exhausted I can look forward to going to that room and feeling the same comfort I did when I was young. I like my dad, and how he is trying really hard in our new house to build a home for the two of us, even though I'm so rude and demanding to him alot of the time. Oh, and I like my new dog Sheba/ beeba/ Bee. I like how she came with a name we don't like so we have tried to transform it. I like how she loves me, and kisses my face when I get sad. I like cheer, and how empowering it feels to get a workout done and be the good stunt group on our team. I like Katie, who baked me a cake when I was sick.

I like Chris. I like that he's my best friend and I can act in any form of myself that I want and I still feel like me. I like how he makes me laugh, sometimes at him but most of the times with him. I like how safe I feel when I'm with him, I loved I feel.

I like, I like, I like, I like. And I'm more scared now than I ever have been. I want to be a good person, and I want to go school every morning still, walking through the ridiculous amounts of snow we have gotten already, even though the leaves are green, and I want to get on the bus and smile at people. I realized today that I spend so much time being such a... girl, that I just lose my train of thought. And, I like my blog. And how even though life changes and my story changes, it's still here to remind me of the things that I got through, and the certain things I came back to. And I want to start this year off with a new blog to remember. Full of memories and happiness, and hopefully get Alyssa to write up too. Because it seemed that last year we were so lonely that It was hard to write of anything else in our sadness.

My, My, what a ramble. :)

XoKristen.

Always