I Shouldn't be making a public announcement about my personal problems!

I hate mathematics. Yes my first math class of the year my teacher Ms. Martin said "from now on, lets not say we hate Math but rather that we highly dislike it" I have already decided that shes crazy for a couple reasons. One, is that in Junior high you felt like they cared about the direction of your life, where clearly Ms. Martin doesn't. As well the teachers at Westmin had to act proffessional and smart and what not, Ms. Martin says shit on average 6 times a class.

I'm kind of frusterated because I am incredibly bored. I resorted to doing extra math homework, because Ms. Martin clearly stated that if you want good marks in her class extra homework would make sense. I hate school sometimes. I've used this analogy before but I feel like I'm on auto pilot. I apologize for getting on a rant but I am tired of growing up. I am tired of the changes that keep happening because lately I've been feeling so numb to the changes going on that it's like nothing phases me much. I thought Highschool would be this terrifying but exciting change that would bring me alot of action and fun for the first few months. But too be honest I'm bored.

I miss Keltyn, shes having fun in Vic and going artsy and trendy on me. I miss Morgan and she's at Fx surrounded by hot guys and meeting tons of new people. I miss seeing Chris at school and just seeing him on the bus. Today we ran into Adam, I get off at the Macs by Chris's house and transfer busses, but it was cool seeing him. We have sort of kept in touch, texting and what not, but it was nice to see him although his stories involved 19 year old boys at his work, and other non Pg rated things.

Good news is that I have seen Chris everyday this week. It's funny because at the same time I want to see more of him but I know eventually it will become too much. But its good, we had a good talk at the bus stop today. Im so much better with talking about things that upset me when I'm not upset. I learned that if I;m ever pissed, upset, or heart broken about something I have to learn to bite my tongue, cry it out for a couple days or weeks and eventually I will be able to gather my thoughts and make sense of what I want to say.

Yeah I know, I totally lost you there. But in the summertime I had this explosion of emotions over people I knew and loved doing drugs. I handled it like a bitch to put it bluntly. I cried everyday for like two weeks. No one really said anything to cheer me up because they didn't know what was going on with me and Chris just avoided the subject. yeah sure I wish he would say "I know its wrong, I did it because it was something I wanted to try and it's not going to become something I'm going to do" But I made him tell me that once when I was hysterical and as happy as it made me at the moment, I know that he still doesn't think its bad and I know that as much as he can tell me what I want to hear, it might not be what he actually thinks.

But I can't go backwards and think about the horrors of my summer. It's in the past, for good I hope. I have an exciting weekend coming up, ever since summer has ended, and the days of doing nothing have left with it, I have packed my weekends trying to see as many people at once as I can from different schools. (Former Westmin Kids ;) Friday I'm going to something or other palooza at Morgans school. I want to see her so I guess we can be doing that. Saturday evening Daniel's older sister is having her traditional 18th birthday and apparently its going to be really fun and interesting with the whole philipino ordeal. I might see Chris during the day but I don't know. Sunday I have cheer as well as tomorrow (bleg) and Im going out for dinner sunday night with Chris because we've been dating 3 months sunday! Woo we own. :) LOL but as usual by the end of my blog I start seeing stars and talking about things repetatively, and forgetting my point.

So peace out.