Kristen seems to have alot to say today.

So, today was a stupid saturday. My mom's friend Kelly, and also the gorgeous woman who cuts my hair needed a babysitter for today. Because I am so poor, I agreed to sacrifice my weekend to look after her 3 year old daughter Syndey. Syndey is the most adorable girl I have ever met I have to admit. Although shes small, pale, blonde haired and blue eyed she is a pain to babysit. She hates to eat normal food, when I say normal I mean actual food. All she likes is sugar, she never eats meals but instead eats snacks throughout the whole day. She is obsessed with a little game called "CATCH ME" in her world. (Even more demanding than that) And since a girl fell on me from 10 feet up in the air at the last cheer practice my spine wasn't feeling to up to par today.

Basically she just tires me out. There are the kind of kids that can be given things and play by themselves for so long. Syd needs constant interaction, which I think is probably better than anti social kids but its hard when I'm there, being forced against her little kid whine to watch Barbie and the 12 dancing princesses, and the main character's name is Genievieve and not even Barbie. Then Meet the Robinsons, (Still quite little kid shows at this point but getting better) Then thank god I popped in Enchanted which was a perfectly fine thing for me to watch. I just sat there doing homework and talking to Sydney while she pretended that her brothers hockey stick was a pony, the back of the couch a mountain, and the little peices of paper she so gladly shredded up was money.

But....Yeah. Haha, my dad is going to his girlfriends house for dinner tonight. He probably won't be home till at least 11:30. I called Keltyn desperately trying to make plans since Chris has plans with his boys and a birthday party to attend to. He's quite the busy kid, and I am constantly feeling like I am trying massively hard to stay in his life. At the same time, I know that at the same time I just think I am falling out of his life. I did a terrible thing yesterday, like accusing him, making a huge scene. Crying, the whole works. And finding out later that what i thought: wasn't what I thought.

We went to the football game together, Shep against Jp. It was so much fun, there were tons of friends from Westminster there. Friends from Vic, From FX, and Chris from Mac of course. Shep's whole cheer team was there, I let caroline tatoo my face in the bathrooms behind the stands frantically, and watched as Chris licked the backs of his tatoos (yes Shep tatoos, Yes he goes to mac) and finding out that the spit thing actually worked.

But, I still feel terrible at the way I've been treating him. I want to turn myself around but I know it will take a good few weeks for that to happen. That would require him to stick around for a bit longer too, handling my crazy bitch ways. And from now on: I don't cry.

If he read this he'd probably laugh. One time he said to me "Your just emotional" and I hit him, but its true. I'm weird, I need to fix the waterworks. I need to not overreact. I need to let him have a life.

The cool thing is that I will get to see him tomorrow. Which is pretty sweet, hes coming over for dinner unless he backs out lol. But I won't let him. I'm becoming happier again, I just had a negative week last week I think. But I am starting to lay off my feelings, to not think about things so in depth.

One of the main things that are on my mind right now, on top of my always thinking of school, homework, and Chris, I'm thinking about a really good friend of mine. She called me at the game last night, and I answered with an "O HAI" Really gleefully, and she responded with a monotone: "Im in the hospital" She told me briefly how she Overdosed on some pills. My first thought was that she lost her mind, doing too many drugs, but then I found out it was intentional and she was trying to kill herself. The thing is, alot of people who 'try' using pills just go through alot of Physical pain and alot of the times come out okay. I was so worried, I stood with my phone glued to my ear and I remember my eyes just stopped blinking and they didn't even water and as soon as I hung up Chris started rubbing my back, and Morgan went off like a fire cracker asking me questions. I'm worried. I didn't ever think that someone I knew for so long and cared about so much would ever become suicidal.

I also went to Morgans house and we talked for quite a long time. I told her about 5000 drunk stories. Her favorite one was probably where I told her that one time I saw on Oprah that if you took an 'advil' before you go to bed you won't get hungover. So last saturday I took an advil, and I told her that I started having hallucinations while I was lying in bed. The corners of my room actually starting getting really blurry and I was really scared and felt really sick and I said to Morgan "I remember thinking: Oprah was wrong!" I can tell you she laughed pretty fucking hard and I told her that later on I figured out that Oprah said Aspirin not Advil. "Advil is an anti flamitory" Morgan said matter of factly afterwards. But don't worry, I figured it out when I started having crazy hallucinations in my room. Label on Advil said :DO NOT MIX WITH ALCOHOL. Duh Kristen. Duh.

So Gangsters, tomorrow I have Cheer from 2:30 until 4:30 and then a parent meeting until 5. My back is practically broken, my spine feels like it has been hit repeatedly with a jackhammer. when I touch my neck I wince because my neck feels like a huge bruise, and my collarbone and chest feels like I got hit with something very heavy. Plus my thumbs both feel like they are sprained. If my coach heard this complaining he would say "Get used to it" Well, I try. But I am not looking forward to conditioning tomorrow. I am hoping that the practice goes alot faster than it did on thursday. On thursday there is a top whose name is also Kristen. She's very cute and I think shes nice. She's the only other girl that really talks to Rebecca, Lisa and I. (The other girls are all in grade 12 were like the unexperianced babies). But she just started topping, never done it before. Rebecca and Lisa, never based before. Me? Never back spotted before. So we are all starting out. It was kind of shameful because Corey's good friend was trying to help us get Kristen up and we kept dropping her and the rest of the group were doing like one footed elevators and pop a cradle from extensions. And here we were dropping this poor girl all over the place. Anyways we were doing an extension, which means that instead of her feet being by our chest when we lift her, her feet actually get lifted as high as we can above our heads.

Anyway, I was struggling a bit because she was wobbling all over the place and I can't remember if Rebecca was lifting with Lisa or if Sasha was. But, I remember that one said of Kristen didn't go up far enough, and she started to fall backwards. But its even harder for me to catch a falling body when they are 13 feet up in the air. I remember seeing her bum coming towards my face and when she got even lower I wrapped my arms around her waist. Usually when a girl falls it isn't actually that scary. I know watching someone fall is like "OMG" but actually getting into it isn't that bad. But this time she was higher up than usual, and usually when I catch the girl goes down with me and lands on top of me so she's fine but Im a little battered. She landed on top of me, and I remember Rebecca saying "Wow you were like a human mattress" All the coaches said that it was a good job, it was good spotting. Yeah I was proud she was okay, but she felt really bad and I couldnt breath from the wind getting knocked out of me. It really hurt, and I still really hurt. But whatever I guess, my mom was so worried she told me that I shouldn't cheer because I could really 'injure' myself. Ha. Ha.

Anyways, I'm sore. I finished all my homework babysitting today, and I'm looking forward to some me time! Yay.