New song alert!

I wrote a new song last night/tonight. I can't keep my fingers off the piano. Everytime I sit down to play it its like all of these emotions coming rushing out of me. I tried to write more positively than I did on the "Your the Winner" Song. I think it worked. I tried to sing about life and its changes and how although I will always miss things I can still hold onto the memories.

I'm still working on that one. When people say "The memories will be there forever" Its hard because no doubt I still wish that I had a chance to keep making memories. I just finished listening to the song 'clumsy' by Our Lady of Peace. I've explained the story behind that song before and I got really sad. But, I'm getting over Chris. I KNOW me, and I feel bad because I am starting to feel myself turn a cold shoulder to him. And if I get over him, I'll be bored of him. I want to be friends.

Anyways my new song is called 'Imagine' sounds great yeah?

Imagine
[Verse 1]
Imagine the start of it all
When we were never meant to fall
Imagine the first moonlight kiss
the night we made those promises

Youth was on our side
All the things we swore we'd never hide

[Chorus]
Life is something special
and people will come and go
Please oh sweet memory of mine
you don't have to go[Verse 2]
Imagine things turned out different than we planned
And who we loved never had to go away in the end

Repeat [Chorus]

[Bridge]
Falling into my dreams
Hard to believe these were our memories
Watching the slow drifting snow
Where did the romance go?

Imagine the times of shit
everything we could have fixed
I guess its you who I wantbut nothing will change cause we don't share that thought

[Repeat Chorus]

Anways I am proud to say that I love this song. That I feel my confidence slowly coming back when I sing it. Because face it, I don't have alot of confidence much anymore. I've just got thrown under the rug and today I felt this harsh feeling so severe that no one would really care about me if anything ever happened to me.

All my friends are caught up in highschool you know? I feel very isolated and defensive that no one understands and hurt that no one cares to ask except for a select few. The two who are my 'best friends' are almost attatched at the hip and everyday at lunch I feel like I'm following them to Westmount mall and I just sit there like an observer of teenage girls. Lisa and Rebecca usually sit there talking about people I don't know, parties I didn't go to, Or plans I'm not invited too. And it gets really frusterating. I get lost in my own little world, and i think the overwhelming factor of how different everything has suddenly become has made me really icy towards the world.

I don't have alot of friends. My boyfriend dumped me for reasons that included me being kind of protective. He didn't use those words but thats how I feel I was. Boys don't look at me at school. Why would they? There are like over a thousand girls at that school, probably more. Most of them are incredibly pretty and then theres me. Little negative nelly. My friends that I do have just talk a mile a minute and I can't say that I have a best friend at Shep. I look forward to the weekends so I can see people that don't involve my school friends who happen to be incredibly selfish. It is what it is.

I won't let myself become sad. I am just going to stick my big nose into the air. I am so tired of trying. I say that everyday but its true. I have been trying to focus on school and it works nicely, my average is 80%, most of my marks are in the high seventies early eighties which is good for highschool in my opinion. That is, not including Math. A subject I have a horrendous amount of homework in tonight. So I better get on that and cease my negative rambling. The one thing that I can tell you is every morning I wake I tell myself its going to be a better day. And usually its true. Life is to short to hate, or to put down. I have friends. It's good enough for me.