STRESS STRESS STRE- sorry, head just exploded

So today was an alright start to the week. I just finished up reading Alyssa's blog. Very glad that she's over Sean. Sad that she isn't in my shoes anymore because I liked having someone that didn't think I was crazy. But I have no doubt she'll still relate to me.

I'm frusterated right now because I'm on my fathers little desktop computer. It's decent, quite new, but I haven't been on it realy since I got my laptop, and my father has no idea how to clean out viruses and what not so its very slow and laggy and popups keep appearing, that are completely slowing down my blogging speed! Talk about frusteration! The only reason I'm not using Willow (my laptop), is because my father's little wireless connection is broken and its taken 5 weeks for one to get here, and...it's still not here.

I um, I don't have much I can really appropriately say. I'm scared for my free speech now because apparently certain people that I don't even know take alot of pride in reading these and updating others. Kinda creepy, I agree.

I learned something about myself today. I do alot of unnecessary pondering. Really. I started thinking about this short story we read In La. And trust me it is very rare that my real life ties in with something we learned in Language Arts class. Anyways, It's called the Cardboard Room and at the end of this story the boy Eric says to the 'protagonist' "you don't understand how fragile things are, how easily thngs can be broken" Sure, we anylized the shit out of it.

But it still got me thinking today when I was trudging through the snow that won't stop coming down that things are so fucking breakable it shouldn't be allowed. I could walk outside my door and get hit by my neighbors car. Relationships with my friends are always changing, somedays I feel like I can lose people. Somedays I feel like were completely inseperable. It makes me sad that time is traveling so completely fast. It's really true what they say, the older you get the faster time flies.

Things seem to happen with people, with Chris, with everyone, that seem like complete breakthroughs in our relationship and then the next minute or day, it's like it never happened. So breakable, I feel like I'm walking through this world on eggshells. I'm still struggling with my mind, sometimes I believe I am completely crazy. Last week I was feeling the little slivers of my mind taking on a new direction. Fuck, I don't want to talk about Chris again because it's not all I think about but I will try to make this brief.

Anyways, Basically, I just almost got over it. Saw him this weekend, things turned really unexpected and I felt like things had severely changed, and then my mind was all over the place with possibilites and probabilities, and then just like that, things seem like they were a couple weeks ago. Me being a complete and utter nobody to him all over again. I'm so curious, how does this happen?

Whatever, It doesn't have me attatched to a ball and chain anymore. It's just a side project in my otherwise busy life. I wish I could take a solid road somewhere, either to moving on or fixing things. But I'm just teeter-tottering back and fourth like some fucking jack-in-the-box. My feelings are still breakable, but I feel helpless. I'm just here for the ride.

So on a new and more stressful topic, I am going insane for the week coming up. I have a spanish midterm on Wednesday. I have my first day of work on Wednesday afterschool, after my orthodontist appointment. It's freaking me out because up until an hour ago I hadn't realized how succulent working days of the week are. I work 5-10. Basically, get home from a long and torturous day and then go to work for five hours. I am working 12-6 on Saturday, or some crazy hours like that, and I have the option of taking Friday to work. I don't think I'll tak friday, only because that is my switching house day but I kind of want to make more money.

So that sucks, on top of the physcotic fact that I am trying to schedule in my belly button peircing, time to straighten my hair which sadly is a factor in my life because my hair comes from my yeti heritage. AND I have cheer practice this thursday, the same night I have to wash my hair and study for my math test.

Oh my GOD. My head just exploded. But anyways, my boss is nice, I don't want to work every saturday I'm sure I'll get a bit of a break. I just feel on the edge. This is a little much for little old me.

I wanted to talk about my day today but I think I'm just going to peace out and go work on my Christmas Gifts for people. Stresssss! Night!

XoKristen