'There will be no white flag above my door!'

So I don't quite know what to say. I have had a really chill weekend so far, it's Saturday night, soon to be sunday. I'm kind of tired but at the same time I don't want to sleep. My mind is hard at work, picking away my common sense slowly.

I decided a few days ago, that I would let life do whatever it wanted to me. I also decided that this whole sherade with Chris, as little too mention it that I can, Its somewhat like my parents divorce. I still think about it, and it sucks sometimes, but I'm used to it and if they were ever to get back together it would be extremely strange for me.

So, one thing had been for sure earlier today, and that was that I am (one layer of me at least) over the situation. That's all I can really say without crossing more lines than I already have. I went to SportMart today, I finally and actually got accepted to work there. It's final. I have to fill out this little sheet to deposit money in my bank account directly or something and when I bring it in sometime next week I will get my hours down and everything.

Truthfully, I'm really excited. It's my first job, I love the atmosphere and my boss. The people that I got a quick glance of today that were on shift looked about my age. One girl reminded myself of me so much because as she was climbing one of these tall ladders to grab some shoes, she dropped the shoes and was apologizing for five minutes. Course, I didn't mind. Infact, I pictured myself doing something like that.

Also, the idea of getting money deposited in my account every tuesday is like a dream come true. I'm excited to have cash in my pocket. I'm excited for the fast approaching Christmas break. I'm a little nervous after tonight, because every time I finalize a thought in my head, something happens to undo the mental work i've been doing. For example, I saw 'him' tonight. Opened up a few wounds, a few things I thought would be forever gone. I really enjoy his company and talking to him, I just open up completely. It's so easy to talk to him but I have to keep my mind back on the reality that he is with someone else. I battle that every single day. It's easy to get lost in your mind, and sugar coating everything to make yourself believe that things are better than they are.

But it is what it is you know? I always admired Doctor Phil because he tells it like it is. It sounds ridiculous, a few of my friends shook their heads and said it was complete bullshit to go on a show just to get told the completely obvious. But I understand. There are too many people out there, myself included, that overthink things and want them to be a certain way. That want alone can get yourself believing that that is how it is. Then something happens, a 'reality check' and you feel completely crushed. It's part of the preparing yourself for life process. It's something I'm working on. I expect the unexpected. People don't surprise me anymore.

So tomorrow I am planning on washing my hair and what not, straightening it. I have swimming on Tuesday, it's kind of bothering me. Then Thursday I have swimming as well. I haven't exactly figured out what I'm doing with my hair. I believe monday I'll bring my straightener and just spend my lunch hour roughly straightening parts of my hair so that wednesday won't be completely terrible, and then Thursday I will just go swimming so that Thursday night I will wash it and go to cheer with nicely washed and straight hair. Woah, haha that was probably a terrible thing to read, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is that washing my hair and straightening it is a tremendous process. By the end of next week I am getting my belly button peirced, and then I will be done with swimming. I have been waiting a good three weeks now because of swimming...What a pain in my ass.

So, general thesis for the day. I am completely and utterly happy. Uhm 'he' still confuses my mind because I was so sure I was over it. But, I'm not. Stuff like this really gets to me, it's because I want to be the strong person with her head held high. But, i'm not. And the bliss has come finally, but it was extremely forced.

As for the entire week, I'm not exactly excited. I hate high stress, high tension. That's kind of what my life is going to be like this week. I have a Spanish Exam on Wednesday, and this whole hair thing is wigging me out completely. I think what I'll do is I will wear a bun on the tipity top of my head like Chloe did last class so there will be little parts of my hair that are damp. I'll just chance it, it probably won't work, but who says I can't try?

I've rambled enough, I'm going to get going and wash my face and the rest of my worry away!

XoKristen