Perfection is an Opinion, Forever is a myth.

• “They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.”
  

I came to the conclusion today that forever is word that the human race made up. A word that was discovered on a strand of hope, that maybe just something, something like it existed. If forever was real, if saying together forever was real, then why do people eventually die? Their thoughts no longer holding any value, any relationships they once had are forbidden to continue because it's hard when that person is no longer breathing. If forever were true, then Dinosaurs would still walk the earth. Then maybe in a bajillion years the sun would still be shining over the earth with its people, because that what forever is. Never has the thought shone into the back of our minds that this world, this place we call home, will simply die out one day when the sun flickers out. Maybe by then the human race will be nothing more but a mere memory that once existed upon the earths vastly trudged upon soil.

Today at Wendys my dad and I were talking about a friend of mine and how every single time, or day that I talk to her she reminds me of how 'her life fucking sucks. Seriously' My dad told me that everyone in this world strives for perfection. Whether its dying your hair to an almost yellow color, or plastering that smile on your face every morning despite the feeling of loathing you have towards every single monotonous day. I was picking at my 2000 calorie meal, when I said darkly "Perfection is just an opinion Daddy"

And really, what is perfection? What is forever? Does eternity even exist? Is it healthy to have so many questions and concerns about the world in general? What's real and whats fake? Sometimes I wonder if one day I might just meet a man in an office somewhere, getting told to take the red pill or the blue pill and when I do choose I will wake up in a place where there is no world as we know it. Somedays I truly wonder how a place like this can be filled with so many people that are so differently and ultimately beautiful. I have always been the type of person to see people like onions, as Shrek once put it. Knowing myself, and how many different types of outlooks I have on life. Whether it be my opinion on how nasty mushrooms are, How I think that murder is selfish as shit to think that anyone would ever think its their right to take away a life, how I have crazy mood swings and how much I miss having someone that would just hold me. I mean face it, we are all deep. Even if the deepest thing we can manage to say is "Your Hot"

People become people after years of living on this planet. Everyone's lives are so diverse its impossible to compare yourself to anybody. I was ready another friends' blog that happened to once not be Alyssas (Although I read hers too), And she wrote 12 things about mystery people. I read one, that I had a hunch might be me. It said something along the lines of you need to see the finer things in life, not just getting hammered. I know she's right, I know everyone elses perception of living and what that is. Because from now on I am going to try and enjoy myself in life as much as I can. Drinking with my friends ultimately has become a part of me, just because my friends are me, and I am my friends. And unfortunately thats what they do. No one knows them like I do, as is no one knows me like they do. As well my friends are amazing and brilliant people that one day are going to be so loved for the people they are.

This reminds me of when I was at Rebeccas house one time, being silly like I used to be. And she said "Kristen, I hope you know how lucky Chris is to have you. You are the full package, you are so cute and funny and interesting" I admit at the time I just sort of smiled, but it will go deeper than anyone can ever imagine.

Anyways, I can't sit here too long to contemplate life because I will never get to the end. There are too many things that I don't know or don't understand. Alot of these things are just flying over my head about a million miles a minute. Things I don't know the answers to and probably never will. Why for some people I'm not good enough, when for others I am the entire package. Why for some I am the ugliest person they have ever seen, and for others I am so gorgeous inside and out. Why someone that is willing to let me go (is even giving me a little push in fact), is still hanging onto almost all of my thoughts and dripping in every word.

How even though I am feeling torn to peices about Sarah Pringle's existance and the things that people say she did, keyword: SAY, (Can't always trust the rumors) I still want Chris to be happy, and still at the end of the day I lie in bed thinking about all the bad things I have thought about her, wished upon her, with really not knowing a thing about her except for the fact that someone I really care about thought she was better. You can't live each day with negativity, or with hatrid or despise. Because really the only place it gets you is to an even darker place where your sinister thoughts just hide away turning you so bitter that the only things you can manage to say are terrible things about someone you once looked at with so much love it hurt.

I don't think I will ever get over this summer. I don;t think I will ever get her face out of my mind, or the things that Chris said to me making me feel like I was the prime reason that everything I had been so happy with ended. But I think that some day soon, I will walk along with just as much baggage as the rest of us and be fine with it. The occasional word brought up, the occasional run in with Chris or maybe even driving by Ross Shep 30 years from now, will still tear a little sheet off my heart, but that's what life is all about. Life wants you to love it, and be in love with it. It wants you to show you that things that happen really do happen for a reason. They happen to take you where you are today. Maybe someday whatever happened this year or this summer will come to good use.

I just know at the moment i am still moderately raw about the whole thing. But like I say everyday and like everyone told me, everyday gets a little easier. Slowly and slowly I begin to get used to the fact that he isn't holding me anymore, but some other girl. Maybe someday soon I will have another person that I find what I found in Chris but even more. For the time being I am going to take it one day at a time, with one easy smile and with my friends. Which btw, I have been making quite a few the last couple of weeks.

xoKristen.